late night shamrock party

I went to a festive party tonight near Old Numskuller Alley, at my friend Mel’s house. Janey Newhouse was there, my old high school crush. In high school, I got  a lot of jokes thrown my way because of the nature of Dogman, but since then I’ve learned many tricks to talk to attractive lady honey damsels.

Rule number one, always keep the conversation going. One time, I was talking to this girl Theodora, and she was all “Dogman, do you understand what we are doing in math? It was very difficult.” And I was all, “Yeah, it’s hard.” And for a few seconds Theodora and I just stared at each other. Talk about awkward! Plus I had a huge erection, so that didn’t help! You want to know how I would act differently now that I’m learned in the ways of ladies? First, I would have kept the conversation going! Second, I would have worn really tight underwear to hide my bone dog.

Rule number two, always impress the ladies with a dance. This is a good way to break the ice. I usually do the samba. One time I stated my samba routine for a lady named Holga at the Anne Frank Museum. Talk about awkward! It didn’t help that I was tripping on mushrooms and had just recited an entire poem by Lorca in Spanish I learned from Helio, my made up friend! Luckily, Holga was a hooker, so she didn’t run away or anything.

At Mel’s house, we ate bread pudding. Gross!